Gut Wrenching Alone

This Morning I woke up feeling , alone .

That kind of Gut Wrenching alone .

I know why I feel this way . But it still sucks to feel it .

Today my mum goes for her second full knee replacement. My stomach is in my mouth with nerves.  Its a horrible feeling knowing the ones you love are going to be in pain.

Its a good kind of pain , as once the recovery is over she will have a happier life!

I’m lucky my mum is my safety net. Always there if I need her , always there to listen , always there to guide my way 28 years on.

I have huge respect for those who does this journey of motherhood ,without the support of there own mothers, grandmothers or aunties.

The feeling of being alone on this journey is strong today.

I feel guilty because I know i’m not alone . I know I have a huge support system and i’m lucky .

Just some days it takes a little thing to throw you .



We will get there one day baby

We will get there one day baby . 

We will achieve our dreams .

All the hard work will pay off.


We will enjoy it more having worked so hard for it.

We will have taught our kids hard work pays off.

Right now ,  Today is hard,  Tomorrow might be hard too.


But baby one day the hard work will pay off .

We will achieve our dreams



Sometimes just sometimes .

Its Saturday Morning .

Daddy is at work he has been since 4am.

Master Oak has been awake since 5am.

The girls have been up since 5.30am.

Its raining.

The dog needs a walk .

Im tired .


Daddy will be home around 3pm .

He will be exhausted.

He will need a shower and a nap.

He will fight between staying awake to play with the kids or having a nap to spend time with mummy later.


I need to go to shop .

We need Bread and Bananas.


My brother is down with his children .

We should visit them because we don’t see them very often .


Sometimes i would like it all to stop for a while.

Everyone just stay still .

A moment in time when chores are all done , everyone has had a full nights sleep and the daily pressures of being a parent stop.

Just sometimes I crave for a time before kids , a time that didn’t exist for Daddy and I.


For the briefest of moments ,  I wonder what it was like before .


Then I get up put all 4 pairs of shoes on and walk the dog.

So its been a long time .

So its been a long time since I last wrote anything down.


Master Oak is due to celebrate his second birthday very soon .


Miss Bella has just celebrated her 6th.

We’ve had the addition of Jarvis a crazy working cocker spaniel to our family.


Marcthebaker has started a new more family friendly job closer to home , which he loves .

We have found a Love for Bikes . Everyone that is expect for Miss Bella.

We spend most of ours days outside , as that’s where the boys love to be .

We also spend a lot of time in the Swimming pool as that’s where Miss Bella loves to be.

We have loved , lost and grown over the past 18 months.

Our plan for the next 18 months is to grow and love even more .



Clap , Clap , Clap !!

You can clap . It’s most defiantley you sister constantly showing you her school clap that has taught you .

You did clapped for the first time on the 14 th of February 2016. Aged 7 months .

You are very happy with yourself .

So is you sister , she loves to clap and watch you copy.

It makes her giggle.

it makes Mummy and Daddy smile :-).

You cut your first tooth yay!

It’s the 9th of February 2016.

You’ve cut your first tooth on the bottom left a day before you turn 7 months old .

You don’t teeth easy nor did your sister .

We found out it had finally broke though because daddy was illy and put his thumb in your mouth .

One down many more to go ….